Ron Alexander Versus Beetle Bailey
by KatTheFirePheonixWolf
Summary: Ron shows Winston his Beetle Bailey fanfic. Tribute to ShakespeareHemmingway and Mort Walker.


Ron had been away from his computer for a while, to do a bust in Chicago. However, he's back at his computer, to write more fanfics.

"Hey, Winston." Ron started, bringing Winston over. "I wrote another fanfic."

Winston stared at Ron. "The hell kinda shit did you write now? The last one made Egon curl up and cry on the floor."

Ron blinked confusedly. "It wasn't that bad, was it?"

Winston shrugged, then sat down. "Anyway, what's this one about? Another Batman fanfic?"

Ron shook his head. "Nah. This one's a Beetle Bailey one."

Winston blinked angrily. "Oh, joy." 

* * *

**Ron Alexander Versus Beetle Bailey**

Ron was relaxing in Chicago Ghostbusters base drinking molten White Castle cheese sticks, when Rookie rushed into room sobbing.

"I have bad news!" Rookie screamed out.

"What is it young boy?" Ron asked as he patted Rookie supportively on back.

"World War 3 is happen! You have been drafted!"

" _ **IMPOSSIBLE!**_ " Ron said, smashing glass full of molten White Castle cheese sticks in hand. "They did not tell me, the fools!"

"And you have to go to Camp Swampy to get military training!" Rookie said.

"Fools, I am already a fighter. I do not need military training!"

"Unfortunately the government says you have to be trained." Rookie said in sad voice.

 **WHEN SUDDENLY! US MILITARY SOLDIERS APPEARED!**

"They have come for me." Ron said in sad manly voice.

And then Ron got uniform and got on train to Camp Swampy.

When he arrived, Sgt. Snorkel yelled at him.

"How dare you be manlier then I am! I will hurt you severely!"

Ron rolled his eyes and suplexed Sgt. Snorkel like manly wrestler.

The WAC members saw this and swooned over Ron. "Oh Ron, you are so manly!"

"Thank you ladies." Ron said, flexing manly muscle. "There shall be more for you later."

The WAC swooned as he walked off towards the camp.

Ron's barracks was with Beetle, Killer and Zero. Rocky had moved to another barracks because Ron was too manly and Rocky wasn't man enough.

"Hello Pvt. Alexander!" Zero said, saluting to Ron and falling over onto his butt.

"He is an idiot." Ron said to the other two.

"Yes and he is our friend." Killer said.

"Okay." Ron said in manly voice.

Soon they were in training. Beetle was having trouble like woman.

"Stand up, woman!" Sgt. Snorkel yelled at Beetle. "You are so womanly!"

"No!" Ron said, standing up in front of Sgt. Snorkel, his manly chest pressing up against him. "He is man!"

Sgt. Snorkel cowered when Ron yelled at him. "Okay, okay... he is man..."

The training went off well, Ron passing through with flying colours.

Later, Ron talked to Beetle.

"Thank you for saving me from Sgt. Snorkel, Pvt. Alexander." Beetle said, seemingly grateful for Ron.

"You are welcome." Ron replied to Beetle, smiling.

"But I have a secret." Beetle said, looking downwards.

"Go on." Ron said. "This man might be secretly homosexual!" He thought to himself.

"I may be a soldier..." Beetle Bailey said. "But I am also a communist!" He pulled off his face mask revealing he was Karl Marx.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ron Alexander screamed, shooting at Beetle with custom golden plated Desert Eagle crying manly tears.

Karl Marx fell to the ground, shot to death by Ron Alexander.

"Thank you Ron Alexander." The real Beetle Bailey said, coming out from behind the barracks. "You saved me. This man was pretending to be me and now I can be free to be a soldier however I want."

"You are welcome." Ron Alexander said to Beetle Bailey.

 **WHEN SUDDENLY! RED ARMY ATTACKED!**

"Oh no!" Beetle Bailey screamed. "I cannot believe this is happening!"

Ron stole a magnum and a helicopter, and rode helicopter high into the air.

The Red Army shot Rocky to death.

Killer pulled off his hat and looked sad. "Here lies Rocky. Lived fast and died a virgin."

Ron shot at Red Army until Magnum ran out, and then fired bullets from helicopter at them.

"Мы захватили ваш лагерь!" Red Army leader said. "Сдайся сейчас!"

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Ron said, piledriving helicopter into Red Army.

It caused a big explosion, killing many Red Army members.

"О нет, не снова!" said the Red Army leader.

"It will happen again and again!" Ron said, firing at Red Army leader.

Red Army leader dodged bullets Matrix style, and kicked Ron in gut and broke his foot and hand on Ron's steel abs.

"Что, черт возьми?" The Red Army leader asked.

"You fool! You cannot fight against might muscle like I have!" Ron said, and flipped him over and sat on him with big muscle ass.

"Это горячо." said Red Army leader before he suffocated under Ron's big muscle ass.

"You saved us!" The WAC women and Mrs. Buxley said, grateful for Ron's manliness and strong ability.

"You are welcome." Ron replied.

 **WHEN SUDDENLY! GENERAL HALFTRACK APPEARED!**

"Hello, Pvt. Ron Alexander." Gen. Halftrack said.

"Good morning, Gen. Halftrack." Ron Alexander said.

"I am giving you a big promotion. You are now 5 star general."

Ron smiled wide. "Thank you General Halftrack. I shall cherish every moment of this promotion."

All the ladies swooned for Ron Alexander.

"Ladies, ladies! There is enough of me for all of you!"

And then Ron Alexander walked off into the sunset with all the WAC ladies and Ms. Buxley and mated with them from morning until night. 

* * *

Ron smiled. "How was that?"

Winston blinked, astonished. "That shit was wack."

Ron nodded, looking at him. "Was it wish fulfillment?"

"A little, yes." Winston replied to him.

Ron frowned. "But you liked it, yes?"

"I liked how manly your self insert was, yes."

Ron puffed his chest out proudly. "Thanks!"

Winston nodded, and then walked back to the rest of the Ghostbusters. "No problem."

Winston then sat down, and talked to Peter. "Wow, you weren't kidding. His fanfics were just as crappy as you said they were!"

Peter nodded. "Weren't they?"

Egon sat down, and frowned. "He's a bad writer."

Peter nodded again. "I agree."

Ray then peeked into the room. "Who's a bad writer?"

Peter rolled his eyes. "Nothing, Ray."

Ray pouted, and frowned. "Okay." And then he walked off to the stairs.

 **THE END**

 _A tribute to ShakespeareHemmingway and Mort Walker_


End file.
